Kevin Killian
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I keep meaning to get that framed.

Or take it down. Or something. You wake up, filled with plans and hi-energy, and I don’t know what happens but all of a sudden it’s past 10 p.m. and all the framing shops are closed and I still haven’t shaved or really done much of anything.

Joey Stefano gave that to me. The porn star?

Well, it came from his estate.

I see you looking at it, wondering what on earth it is. Well, I got a call from this lawyer and he said that Joey Stefano had left me that picture in his will.

I guess it’s like an imaginary place where you can travel to in your mind and find some peace. Maybe a fantasy world.

Do you like it? Some people hate it. I figure, there are two kinds of people and—some just don’t get off on blue.

He wasn’t really a lawyer as it turned out. Just some freak who had my number, but he fooled me!

I’m, like, salivating, because, you know, wow, Joey Stefano!

Whom I never did meet, in the flesh, pardon the pun.

But I like to think of him, watching the picture, kind of dozing and dreaming about—the escape from whatever it is that was bugging him.

No, I went to the guy’s place, he had like a loft with all these rolled-up posters standing against the wall, and he says, "Joey wanted good homes for these and I’m authorized to give them away." I’m, like, looking at these rolled up pictures and of course I thought of Eva Hesse!

That piece she has where there are these rods or whatever all leaning every which way against the wall.

The guy must have been around your age, kind of stern, rugged-looking, I figured, what the hell!

Go for it, you know.

So I’m thinking, should I get one of the X rated ones, except sometimes my mother or whoever might come in here and just—freak?

"What’s that," I ask.

"Oh, Joe used to call that ‘Narnia.’" The land where the kids go in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

I’m like, "Joe"? I figure, this guy must have known Joey Stefano pretty well, to call him Joe like that. That pretty much sealed it for me. All of a sudden my head kind of clicked with all this trust, that I began to feel, as though Aslan had come lumbering up, you know, paw by majestic paw, through the walls of the loft and he was in the room with me, and I’m going down on this guy as though he were everything.

Worshippable. You know how some guys just have that kind of—hmmm, equipment you could make a little altar to surround.

Doesn’t matter how good looking they are, face-wise, not when you’re really into it.

This guy was buff, and he looked kind of like, oh, I don’t know, do you remember that old show "A Family Affair"?

I’m really chowing down and I’m thinking, my God, Joey Stefano probably took it up the ass from this guy. Who was kind of silent, we kept backing up and I’m scrambling on my knees, thinking, well eventually we’ll land somewhere.

I’m not religious but I just had this feeling of, well, grace. This blue grace like you might get in an old-time cathedral.

I kept thinking of Joey Stefano, and Eva Hesse too, how they were both dead and kind of—watching me, like two blue angels, on either side of this big, large, amiable friendly lion who was God.

So after a while, you know, I’m trying to wrap it up but I’m not getting too much response from Jay—that was his name, Jay. Like, it isn’t happening, I’m groaning and whatnot, tickling his balls, I’ve got a finger all wet up his ass, you know, and—

Well, so you can see the picture’s a little tattered but to me, it’s not only a souvenir, or something unusual to me, but it’s also a kind of window for me, into Narnia. Whenever I’m stressed, or worried about money or, you know, things—I can go there and it’s a place where time stands still.

You know, I still haven’t shaved and I’m boring you.

You’re very kind but I know that look.

No, I never did meet Joey Stefano. You know who’s kind of like him, though, is that one nephew of George Bush, you know, the one with the kind of party attitude. Him I can picture on his hands and knees. And he’s not just looking for his contact lens if you know what I mean. He’s not just mopping the floor with his little brush thing.

Can’t remember his name.

From Florida. Right.

Okay, let’s head out but first do you want to take a shower with me?

Yes, the nephew, the one like Ricky Martin.

Or Matthew Barney I sometimes think, now there’s a guy it would be interesting to get to the bottom of. No, just leave your coat there, my mother will be round and she’ll pick up a bit.

She’s at church right now, don’t worry.

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